It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
