we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
