Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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