Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
