oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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