I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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