whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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