he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
