He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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