Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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