So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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