If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
