This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
