I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
