I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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