Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
