What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
