It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
