whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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