He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you inspire me to be a worse person
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
