Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
