Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I understand Curling. That high.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
