woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
