dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
