dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
