i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
