im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Boobs are out for the taking
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
