so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
