i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
