party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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