Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just want to make out with him forever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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