i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
