come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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