I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
