where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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