Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
