I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
