I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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