You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
