Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
