I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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