I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
