saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
