I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
