So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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