I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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