The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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