a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
