so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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