Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
