What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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