I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
