I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
