I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
