I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
