just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He passed out mid-signature
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
